Do I really mean it?

September 1st was a horrible day!

At 10:45am I got a call that the third party involved in our adoption was planning to appeal their denial. They had not been chosen as the adoptive placement for Red and they wanted to argue the States choice. This meant finalizing Red’s adoption could be drug out for several more weeks and maybe months. It also meant there was still a window of opportunity for Red to be adopted by someone other than us. This terrified me!

Around 11:45am I got another call that my mother had been taken to the ER and they thought she was having a heart attack. This news terrified us all because my mother’s dad died when she was very young of a heart attack…you can imagine how our imaginations ran with that. Between the two pieces of bad news I had gotten in the last few hours my own heart was ready to explode!

On the way to the hospital I prayed out loud in my car. Asking God to protect my mom, be with the doctors, take care of Red’s situation, and I begged Him not to take my momma from me. In closing my prayer I told God that I loved Him no matter how things would turn out (that’s what we’re suppose to say right?)….then, just as soon as it came out of my mouth it hit me….do I really mean that?? Was I really going to be able to love God if he took my momma away from me and took Red?

It was in that moment God convicted my heart about this blog. Let me explain….I wrote the first two posts (Chosen Part 1 and Loved Part 2) back in August when Red was first placed with us full time. I wrote it as a testimony of God’s goodness and the power of prayer. I wrote it to point others to Him. I wrote it because I felt lead to share what God was doing in our lives. However, I hadn’t shared the blog with anyone yet.

In that moment as I was driving into the ER I felt God challenging me with this: You say you’ll love Me no matter what, you’ve written a blog about My Goodness and boldly shared your heart…..but you’re holding out on sharing the blog because you haven’t gotten the ending you want….how does that work?

It was true. I was waiting to share the blog when we got official news that Red was ours. I was waiting to share our story of adoption when the story ended the way I waned it to.

I don’t want my faith to be based on getting what I want. I want my faith to be based on just that….faith…believing in the unseen. Believing that God is good “no matter what” and choosing to follow Him however my story ends.

With all that said, my mom is doing well. She did have a heart attack, but there was no blockage. She’s been back to work for over a week now with no problems. Red’s adoption isn’t final yet, but the third party never completed their appeal packet. We are currently waiting to set a court date to finalize the adoption. THANK YOU, JESUS!

It looks like this time things are going to end the way I want them to. However, I know there will be a day when they wont. I’m sure I’ll struggle with all this again when life comes at me hard, but until then I choose to believe that God is good “no matter what”….even if the story doesn’t always end my way.

Isaiah 55:8-9New Living Translation (NLT)

8 “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine.
9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so my ways are higher than your ways
and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Romans 8:28New Living Translation (NLT)

28 And we know that God causes everything to work together[a] for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.